Think Before You Speak
Thinking before speaking is a challenge for a lot of people. Especially if you are trying to prove how smart you are.
A good tip is to pause before you open your mouth and ask yourself, “is what I am going to say worth it?”. If the answer is no and you can stop yourself in a minor moment, you’re in good shape.
Trying to prove how smart we are is just one of the bad habits that leads us to speak without thinking.
Another is to speak when angry.
Some people use anger as a management tool. The difficulty is when you’re angry, you’re usually out of control and it’s hard to lead people when you’re out of control.
The worst thing about anger is that it stifles your ability to change. Once you get a reputation for emotional volatility, it can take years of model behaviour to change how others see you. Anger is rarely someone else’s fault.
A Buddhist legend tells of a young farmer paddling his boat upstream to deliver his produce to the village. As he looked ahead, he spied another vessel heading rapidly downstream, right towards him. He rowed furiously to get out of the way, to no avail. He yelled at the other vessel to change direction, shouting obscenities. It didn’t work, the vessel rammed into his with a loud thud. The young farmer was enraged and yelled out to the other vessel,
“You idiot! What is wrong with you?”.
No one responded, and the young farmer realised there was no one in the other boat.
The lesson is simple. There is never anyone in the other boat. When we are angry, we are screaming at an empty boat.
Everyone has people in their lives that anger them for whatever reason, but getting mad at them makes about as much sense as getting mad at a chair for being a chair.
Suppress your inclination to speak when angry, bite your tongue and take some deep breaths or walk away from the situation. Once you appreciate the payoff of saying nothing (silence keeps you from alienating people and damaging your own success), you have a chance of being better.
The Power of Silence
When I was growing up, Simon and Garfunkel were a big duet. They produced a marvellous song called “The Sound of Silence”. It was, and still is, a massive hit.
This song reminds me of the Power of Silence – how to get silence to work for you in conversations. There are 2 rules.
When you ask a question, shut up. Give the other person the opportunity to talk, this gives you the opportunity to listen. You can’t talk and listen at the same time so focus on just listening and really hearing what they’re saying.
Once they’re finished speaking, stay silent. Don’t leap into the silence. Stay quiet and wait a few seconds.
Why?
People are often uncomfortable with silence, they will step into the gap to fill it.
When you do this whilst dealing with a prospect or a client, you will find that you will get more information and insight from them.
The Power of Silence is a great tool to use to get better understanding through powerful listening and it helps you to engage and get closer and higher quality relationships and business opportunities faster.
3 Steps to Help Control Conversation
There are three steps I recommend to help frame and control a conversation so that it flows and seems effortless and natural.
You can guide your prospects or clients along a path they choose for themselves. It’s a great method.
- Validate what the person is saying. They need to be heard and to know that you’ve listened and understood.
- You need to be able to Relate.
- Your response must show that you’ve heard what they said.
Lean in you will see certain opportunities to take the conversation further, in a direction that brings you and the prospect closer together and further along the sales pipeline.le and fall back.
